Grief is a war with many battles.
And no battle is more important than the fight for our identity.
The moment we lose our identity, we forget who we are. And when we forget who we are, we forget what we’re fighting for. And the moment we forget what we’re fighting for, we’ve lost the war.
My name is Bryan C. Taylor. I am a son and a brother. A dog-dad. A nephew. A grandson. A friend. A writer. A pharmacist. A valued child of God. I am these things and much more, and my life matters.
These statements are truth, and they are powerful weapons in the fight for my identity. Because many days, including today, my hurt tells me a different story:
My name is Grief. I am a widower. A hollow skeleton of the man I once was. I am broken, forever defined by my loss. I am lonely and always will be. My life is no longer relevant. I am worth nothing. I am nothing.
Maybe you’ve heard some of these lies before. I hope not, but I bet you have.
If you’ve loved and lost, please know this: your tragedy does not define you.
You are more than a widow or widower. More than a grieving parent. More than an orphan. More than cancer. More than infertility. More than divorce. More than an amputee. More than a survivor. More than what the world says you are.
Your name is not Grief. Or tragedy. Or loss. Or heartbreak. Or loneliness.
For me, my faith in Jesus Christ anchors my identity. He tells me that I matter, that I’m worth dying for. When the battle rages, as it is today, I rest on Him, the anchor, the only thing in my life that never changes.
I’m aware that not everyone shares my beliefs, and that’s okay. But you have to have an anchor. Something to hold onto when the storms come. And rest assured, they will come.
You are not your grief, and life won’t always be like this. Your loneliness isn’t terminal. Your hurt may never fully go away, but it can’t destroy you if you know who you are.
You are a valued child of God. Your life matters because you matter. You’re grieving, but you’re not a hollow skeleton. You’re lonely, but you’re not alone.
When your broken heart starts telling you lies, cling fast to these truths. Because if you do, you’ll win the battle for your identity.
And if you know who you are, and whose you are, you will eventually win the war.
A fellow journeyer,
Bryan
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